Happy Steak and Blowjob Day, Brunei!
My girlfriend gives the best blowjobs. I’m not just saying that because she’s my girlfriend. I’m saying that because she genuinely does make sweet, awesome love with my cock using the loveliness that is her mouth. I exclaim this with much appreciation because my ex wasn’t. I once had to explain to my ex that biting my cock isn’t as exciting as she would think.
The biting usually happens when she gets over-enthusiastic. When she gets over-enthusiastic, the claws come out and I can expect my night to end up with Wolverine-like scars on my back. While the clawing does turn me on, the painful fellatio does not. My ex had also never made me cum in her mouth. Truth be told she wasn’t very good at BJs, even when she wasn’t sinking her teeth into my penis. But as a man eager to hold on to the fantasy of the awesomeness of the BJ, I would keep thinking the next blowie would be better. Unfortunately the blowjobs stayed mediocre for the rest of the relationship.
There was that one time where my ex did give me her most amazing one ever. I gave her quite precise instructions on how best to pleasure with the lips. Of course she promptly forgot all this and went back to shittyblowjobsville the next time she gave me one. I don’t blame her, because she keeps making the effort. I’m guessing she wasn’t that into blowjobs, even though she kept reassuring me that yes, she does like doing it.
My current girlfriend on the other hand, loves giving me the mouth business almost every time we have sex. This sounds like a fantasy girlfriend you’ve made up, I hear you say. Surely no girl likes giving blowjobs that often. That’s why I consider myself to be extremely lucky (amongst other wonderful qualities that she has). Many a times have I experienced the joys of ejaculating into a woman’s mouth because of this lovely human being.
Unfortunately, this Steak & Blowjob day, my girlfriend is thousands of miles away. You can see how this could be a problem. Phone blowjobs doesn’t work as well as general phone sex. Yeah, I know right? What a bummer.
I am well aware that for many men, blowjobs are at a premium. Sometimes you wish you’d get one on your birthday, if you’re extra nice that day. Maybe if that dinner out was especially romantic, there’s a slim chance a blowie might happen. Or you watched some quite tasty porn together and she decides to go out of her comfort zone a little. I don’t blame this on the women. Many women do find blowjobs degrading, or at the very least not a joy to do. For this, I say to men, make it a pleasant one. Shave, keep it clean, and don’t jam your cock into her mouth like a plaything. And return the freaking favour.
Get your tongue in her pussy, right now. Seriously, go down on her and try your best to make her come. Many women would be more than happy for this kind of oral sex exchange.
Note: that Burger King ad is a real one, in case you were wondering.